june thirteenth, two thousand and twenty one.

limbo, hopeless future, and waiting for it to get worse

i've noticed that i tend to describe the sensation of feelings by metaphorically talking about my brain. for example, as i am writing this there's this utterly depressing feeling that i have, this sensation of a heavy sludge on the inside of my skull. i don't really understand why i want to describe my feelings by this, and i don't know how intellegible it is to other people.

anyway, i think the feeling of sludge on my brain is caused by a collection of feelings that i have, the feelings of being in limbo, the feelings of a hopeless future laying in wait, and the feeling of being able to do nothing about this and only being able to wait for something to happen. these feelings are somewhat constant, fading in and out in cycles. i don't really know how much my antidepressant helps in this circumstance, but i don't think that these feelings can really be treated with medicine either. this leads me to believe that i should look into dialectical behavioral therapy sometime.